Do you want a threesome?

Bi Week 2019, Day 3

I luckily haven’t faced this question myself, but I know many people who have. Bisexual women often get asked this question from straight men and it can be so exhausting.

Now, I should preface this with saying that there isn’t anything wrong with wanting a threesome. Some bisexual people may, in fact, take them up on the offer for an evening of fun and that’s perfectly ok! We’re all about sex positivity here.

However, what we don’t like is the assumptions made on the way to asking this question. It is often assumed that bisexual people are sexually promiscuous people with high sex drives. It is assumed that we want to have sex with everyone. Some bisexual people may have high sex drives, but this isn’t as a result of being bisexual. There are plenty of gay and straight people who may be the same.

These assumptions lead people to believe that we would all be up for having a threesome, when this isn’t the case. Propositioning us in such a way can be insulting and degrading to our sexuality. As mentioned, bi women tend to get this question a lot. It can feel quite objectifying, like they are nothing more than an accessory to spice up someone’s sex life. It can feel like erasure, like their sexuality is only performative for the male gaze. Bi women have sex with women for themselves, not for men. And that’s a point worth remembering.